Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
