your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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