Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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