either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
