I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize