you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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