Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
