I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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