I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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