I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
