I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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