She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
