That's intense
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
