So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
