You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
