Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
not ubering you a puppy
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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