I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
