Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
