I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
