I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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