...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize