There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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