The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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