The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
