where am i from again
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
