I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
