Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
