I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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