i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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