i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I looked at my own cervix.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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