Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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