So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dicks are not precious.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
