I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
