Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
