Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
