My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
