i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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