I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
