Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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