you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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