My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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