He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
