Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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