yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
