It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize