So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
