her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
