Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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