I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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