I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
