I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
