we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
