FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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