worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
