I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize