Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
