just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We are two peas in an std pod
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
