When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
