just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
