Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
where are my eyebrows?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
