and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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