i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
