He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
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