Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
