We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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