If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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