Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
