just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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