ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
