Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
