Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
